Toilet Alert in Malta

              

                Stay Away from this One

 

                                 This photo is from Londonist.com

An unusual thing happened the other day on my way to a walk.  I had to “go” very badly.  I told my friend who owns a pet supply shop and she referred me to a public toilet right near the police station in Sliema—at the crossroads of Manwel Dimech and Rudolph Streets.

I never knew it was there because there are dirty winding steps leading down to it.  Well, if I had known what this place was like, I would have gone in my pants.  They should have a sign there: Danger: Maltese Public Toilet.

There were two toilets when you got downstairs (within stalls).  They were not indicated for men or women—probably because they’re not made for men or women or humans at all.

You know that creature Gollum in The Lord of the Rings?  That’s who you would expect to find using these facilities.

One toilet looked like Gollum had had an episode of explosive diarrhea.  And in the other—which I had to choose—had about a good inch of “fluid” covering the floor. 

Let’s not even talk about the availability of toilet paper.  That’s my precious item in a public bathroom in Malta.

Anyway, my advice would be this:  If you have to go and you’re near this public bathroom, you might as well go public and pee in your pants.  You’ll be better off.

Please read my article on Associated Content.com

The Joy of Incontinence Pads

(And no, I have no shame, I guess.)

 

 

Comments

[Sennuwy (an ancient Egyptian name)]

Hello Mike--thanks for your concern.  Mr. S. does the best he can--and I DID go before I left home. So there--Ilene

[Sennuwy (an ancient Egyptian name)]

Alex--thanks for your very informative info about your father and his, uh, needs. If I hadn't met you in person, I would have thought you were completely insane xxx Ilene  P.S. I gotta go now after reading this

Comment:

[Alexandra Claes]

Here's the funny thing : I have never in my life seen so many "bathroom stores" as here in Malta. This can only mean one thing --- the Maltese take their toilet habits very seriously indeed. A habit I know all too well...

Here's a true account from an extract of my life which I always wondered about until I arrived in Malta.

It all makes perfect sense now; the daily ritual of my dear dad. It started at 7 am sharp; not a moment before and rarely after. Delivery on cue---a man on a mission. That's all fine and well, each to his own except that my father's ritual continued with man holding loose pants around ones waist making a "B" line to the bathroom, 3 rooms away. I would always hear the lock of the door and the gushing of water---what was my father doing in there? Well, we did not have a bidet so the "ass hanging over the rim of the bath" would suffice nicely thank you very much and complete the entire exercise.

When my parents built their dream retirement home, yes you guessed it "the" bidet was first and foremost. And so she stands majestically serving her masters daily needs to this very day. Pristine and perfect just for his royal highness' white Maltese derriere. She has served him well and visa versa.

My father is 74; a very good 74 with a determination and dedication that is second to none. This is a man who refuses to compromise his traditional habits of supreme hygiene. This is a man to this day will click his fingers and say "mum it's time to go", and with this he is on his way. What I should mention is this : my dad will travel 2 hours or more just to get home as he "will not" go anywhere else. I marvel as the sheer strength of his sphincter muscles :)

I should probably mention that my father's favourite "fragrance" is bleach, demestos and ammonia. He has an acute preference for the non colour white, despises cockroaches and washes his tea cup religiously even after he has washed it himself.

Yes, you can the boy out of Malta, but you can not take Malta out of the boy :)

My educated deduction : it's the tourists who sh*t up the toilets here in Malta not the Maltese---excuse the pun ;)

[Mike Owen]

I would have thought you knew about this place as it is very close to where you live.
I am also surprised that you didn't go before you left home.
I will have to speak to Mr.S and tell him to more diligent in checking you before you take to the streets.